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05/29/07 Current mood: crappy I'm having the most painful time trying to get my imagination and the real world to go out on a date and get along for one moment.... What I mean by that is... Fuck man, It's so goddamn hard to give up on something you know isn't going to happen... You play it over and over in your head. You think that your predestined to have a moment happen.... You prepare... But it was just something you dreamt.... It didn't work out, but there wasn't really anything you could of done differently.... Sorta like playing a sport... Your at that championship game that you worked all your life to get to.... But your team loses. There was nothing you could of done more... It just sucks when you know for sure that there's zero chance of it happening and you need to let go or face the scars of hanging on. I had one of those moments this weekend. There was nothing I could of done or said different. It really doesn't matter about the details because it would be embarrassing to get into. Maybe in the after-life if you find me and remember to ask I will be so kind to let you know how amuck I let my imagination run sometimes... And how my psyche has problems paying the piper afterwards. I do this a lot... I end up hurting myself because I gamble on how whimsical I feel life should be. I feel that if I make the right video, or sing the right song, or say the right thing to a girl then all these fabulous adventures will come from it, and I'll have that magical life I think about when I imagine what could be in store for me. I've hung out with a lot of musicians, artist, free-thinkers, and time-bombs the past few years. We all have our dreams, vices. We all have a big-plan in the back of our heads. We have our garden of eden growing in our minds.... I like that a lot. We're gamblers.... What else are we going to do. I don't mind how I feel right now... Being on the losing end of things in my mind. I know that if there is a heaven there's a strong chance it might only be my perception of it... No one might be in it with me.... So I try my damn hardest to do everything I can possibly try to do on this planet. I put life on a pedestal and think of amazing trips we can go on. There's nothing holding me back on imagining anymore because I don't surround myself with people who hold me back on my ambition. It's just hard to close your eyes at night when things blow up around you. Sorry about that. I've been in a good mood lately, and just had to process a bad experience. As always I thank you for giving me your moment. "Blow away the dreams that tear you apart, Blow away the dreams that break your heart, Blow away the dreams that leave you nothing but lost and broken hearted." -Springsteen E-mail Robby at robbyroadsteamer@aol.com 
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© 2007 Robby Roadsteamer. All Rights Reserved. |
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