04/12/08

I will be releasing a third acoustic album in six months in June... This will probably be the last one since I'm running low on funds, but since I spend my days before I go on the radio writing songs I could probably have five acoustic albums before the year is thru.

I just have nothing else to pour it onto. I'm thirty-one, detached from friends and family, a dreamer, and the world around me isn't often times the world I hoped it would be but it's my fault for putting expectations on it to begin with. I'm just not doing good with the whole accepting things the way they are and find myself getting hurt by a world that won't bend to my will as easily as the world in my bedroom does... I'll probably just keep this room after I die in the afterlife and invite people over for tea and weed.

I find myself alot of times in my room sitting on my bed for six or more hours starring at a wall and thinking. I've grown so distant from friends and family because I just don't feel like getting too deep into my psyche with them. The fears that arise out of living a life that doesn't live up to dreaming... But I'm the one who got attached to dreaming.

I fight the quiet compromise I see I'm going through as I grow older... Some things like my hairline betraying me I couldn't control... In my dreams sometimes I have a full head of hair and I feel so excited about that... I run to the mirror in my dreams and get all excited at the different ways of styling it... But you accept the hand your dealt (Or spend seven grand on plugs like a friend of mine) You learn how to adapt and you go on living or you get attached and bitch and moan and let stuff drag you down.

Lord give me the power to change the things I can/accept the things I cannot change/ and the wisdom to know the difference... It's easier said than done.

I'm saddened by the cold reality of that... Especially when it gets closer to the heart like love or life. To be able to pick up the pieces of a destroyed dream and move forward, to try and rise again after losing someone you love. The magic behind some of the most amazing beings on this planet is just the strength of the heart that beats in them.

I'm trying to be this strong myself... Move forward... Accept the things you cannot change... Fuck man, thats cold sometimes. At the same time my soul cries in dreams and real-life for the moments that get robbed because the stars didn't line up right... If you ever seen a Beautiful Mind (Which is very loosely based on real-life) the main character has imaginary friends that nearly destroy his life... He eventually realizes that he needs to ignore them and focus on the real world... It's just a shame when you see the imaginary characters are offering him a life much more exciting than the real one... It's a battle to not get attached to illusions and try and make the best of what you have.

People sometimes won't be as beautiful as you picture them in dreams, the world won't be as beautiful as you picture in dreams, you do your best to work with the colors you have to paint with and not cry for the colors you might not have anymore.

Why does my soul get so dark sometimes when I know this to be true. Because we all need strife in our lives to measure the happiness and this is probably what my mind has chosen to balance what is otherwise a peaceful and cheerful existence. Thank you for reading this.