11/11/07

"...that you keep wrapped in boxes so tight. Sounding only at night as you sleep..."

These last few weeks the only time I get off the ground is dreaming... It's where you play out the role you don't get in your waking life. The ideal girl, gig, adventure... But this isn't the answer. It's your mind rewarding you for what you feel inside you should be paid. But this is just you... I think if you did this for long enough you realize it's no fun. It's not real... It's a video game you built around yourself. It's great to release tension and depression through.

A lot of people I think are holding out for the notion the afterlife will be much like this. Being rewarded with all the passions and riches of real life that they couldn't achieve... But did they earn this at that point when they might of mailed it in on Earth? The joke might be as with dreams that it's just themselves doing the rewarding... Then they have to figure out how to tap into the rest of the afterworld. I don't know. I get bored sometimes. Cause these are the times where the results of good ideas are measured in how much you can make off of them. Most people give up and settle down when they see it's a fucked-up judge holding the measuring stick.

Anyways... As for me...

Work wasn't that bad internally this week. I just kept saying over and over in my head "The Egyptian slaves had to lift 2 ton rocks to make pyramids 20 hours a day so stop fucking whining... You can sell shirts."

It's not the actual job that drives me nuts. It's just the thoughts you can't subdue to keep yourself in the moment of working...

"...Hmmm you should write a concept album about a fictional Nintendo game... Then each track could be a level..."

... If you moved to NY at 19 you might of been shitting on Dane Cook on E! right now..."

"...Maybe your best artistic output comes from having serious strife in your life that forces you to be brutally honest with yourself because you have a true apathy about what everyone else thinks and can truly create what you feel... Hey customer needs help"

I've taken in what spoke truest about each philosophy I've read... I read through the bible again. People encouage me to be douchey 24/7... I don't mind playing that on the radio station with a cookie monster voice that screams "I'm PLAYING DOUCHEY!!!! I'm DOUCHEY FOR THE JOKE THAT PEOPLE ARE REALLY THIS DOUCHEY"... Even though alot of radio personalities are playing themselves and at heart have douchey written all over themselves.

I'm just happy that with the money I make I can turn out an album here and there and have something to look forward to here and there. No labels signing me so I gotta sign myself and keep me happy, and it works for me... That and Indian food. Holy shit eh? Wow the breads! THE BREADS!