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04/29/07 Current mood: whimsical After my shroom experience last weekend I decided to stop blazing and everything all-together for a little while. I have never been this restless and this urgent before in my life. I bring myself into every conversation I have with people now. I don't hold punches and I don't lie anymore. I get tired of pulling the Willy Loman shit out of my ass when I talk to people about my band and career.... "So what's next?" they ask..." Do you think you'll ever make it?"..... I hate selling people on shit I'm not sure about to begin with. It seems like every way to make it as a band, or a comedian, or an artist in this day and age involves some sort of compromise the closer you want to get to the prize. Major Labels groom bands... They mold their look, sound, words, until they're trained to make money. I was walking into a Barnes And Nobles yesterday and saw two magazine covers with Avril Lavenge (fuck the spelling).... On one cover it has her all punked out and says "I'm going back to my roots..." which is weird because she was brought up as a country singer at Atlantic records and when that didn't work they molded her into a punk version of Britney to get that teenie-bop dollar.... The second cover featured her in a field...and a very 60's retro flavor for her outfit.... and basically stated she's very down to earth and grounded now.... It's almost like she's a politician... giving everyone everything they want.... Making herself edgy for the kids, and then safe for the parents... As long as the people who write her songs (The Matrix) can back this up with top-40 hits you got a great fomula... And she's number #1 this week on billboard with a bullet!!!! YES!!! I really enjoy playing live.... More lately since I no longer hide behind yelling at people and sunglasses.... I love wrting songs, but most of all I love saying what I wanna say. I can care less about the results because you only live once and I don't ever wanna see myself on a magazine cover.... "He's crazier than ever...." then cut an interview the next week.... "He's down to earth and safe!" My band outvoted me this week on entering this contest to open for "Fall-Out Boy" at the tweeter and I gave my consent to put the ad on my page. My arguement was.... Well I think you know what I thought!!!!!! Their arguement was "Well we gotta try everything and maybe this is the reason why we haven't made it yet...." I know we haven't. I sell fucking hats everyday and hear about friends around me who I played with over the years as a comedian or musician finding their pot of gold... And I couldn't be more happier... But at the same time couldn't be more scared that this will never be more than a hobby, or it will be something everyone pushes me hard enough to go on with so I don't buy a wood-panel caravan and look for points on a mortgage.....just like the Emperor's new clothes.... until I'm ready to be sent out to the pasture. I have so much fire and so many ideas... I'm happy about that. I'm happy I'm not burnt out.... But wish I wasn't so restless and hard on myself all the time. Friends tell me what I need to hear, but when I'm going to bed with myself I plant little seeds that keep me this way.......Somedays I barely make it out of the 9-hour mindfuck I have in my head all day at work...... I'm reading alot more now and trying to find basic things in life to hold onto, and I win and lose big in my own head on a daily basis. The character Robby Roadsteamer I developed is just a channel for alot of this anger. Hell I like alot of the bands the character shits on. I really don't have much hate in my own skin. I'm happy I'm here and your here. I find myself loving anybody who lets me in on their reason for creating what they create. But as for myself...It's turned into Darth Vadar at this point because there's somebody finally rising out from behind the hate to breath a little bit.... Anyone who knows me outside the nails on a chalkboard voice (gee is it real you think?? hehehe) and shitty-ass sunglasses knows this. It's a alter-ego I fell in love with because Boston is full of anger and jealousy.... but at the same time i've learned it's full of hope and people who would lay it all on the line for something they believe in. We're the biggest cynics in the country, but yet at the same time we have alot of hope and ideas for the way things should be... with life, the world, music, art, everything. I don't know where this will all lead me or the band. But I thank everyone who checks out everything like this and gets a little bit more of an understanding at what lies beneath the surface. I'm happy I live in a world where I can type like this anytime I feel like it. I feel much better now. I usually burden a friend with rants like these, but I consider anyone who reads this to be a friend... especially if you got to this point. Enjoy your weekend please! For both of us! Rob P.S.... "Make your biggest love in life your love of life... And make the biggest reason for that love your wildest dream." E-mail Robby at robbyroadsteamer@aol.com 
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© 2007 Robby Roadsteamer. All Rights Reserved. |
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